Saturday, November 5, 2011

[No Hero] 1-1: Diligently become familiar with working environment

Dear father:

It is currently the year 2112. I have finally found a job as a butler, and furthermore my master is not a member of the mafia. Ah, according to what my master says, he isn’t a member of a mafia. Thus, this really is a memorable year.

Please watch over me from heaven. This time, I can become a true butler.

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After I agreed to become his butler, I was no longer Daren’s equal. Thus, I said respectfully, “Then, venerable master, there are some things I should first inform you…”

After hearing the address, Daren started to laugh. He said jokingly, “Do I look old?”

True, calling a barely twenty years old young man “venerable master” felt slightly unusual. I could only ask, “Then, may I ask who are some of the important people in the household?”
“There’s father and older brother.”

I followed the standard butler protocol and said, “Then, I’ll address your father as master, your brother as elder young master, and you, sire, as young master. Would this be acceptable?”

Instead, he burst into loud laughter. “If you address them like that, you’ll definitely be killed by my brother. My family’s most important person is my brother, and my father isn’t my brother’s father.”

I couldn’t help but admit that I was very confused. The most important person in the family being the eldest brother rather than the father, this I can still understand; power in a household can be very complex. But, father is not brother’s father? Could it be that the young master and his older brother were brothers who share the same mother but different fathers?

After hesitating for a moment, I remembered that the household had a secretary-butler. I hurriedly asked, “Then, may I ask how Mr. Kyle addresses you?”

He cocked his head and said, “Brother Kyle calls me young master, my father Mr. Avery, my brother…” He looked very troubled.

A butler should not let his master be troubled. I immediately suggested, “Then, I will address you as young master, your brother as master, your father…your father as….”

I really didn’t quite know what address to use. I could only think until my head was about to burst and said, “Mr. Avery then?”

“Sure,” young master seemed like he did not really care about titles. In this part, he was very much like a teenager.

“Then, young master, should I come over every day to serve you or should I stay here?”

Without hesitation, Daren said, “You can live here. The house is too big, and living here alone is really very boring.”

“Yes,” I nodded. “Then I shall move in tomorrow.”

The young master thought for a moment then ran into a room. Then he ran back and gave me a cell phone and a set of keys. He said, “Right, this is for you. Brother Kyle told me that if you were willing to accept the butler position, then I should give this to you and that you should call him. His cell phone number is saved inside……Do you know how to use a cell phone? Charles.”

At the end, he looked at me very uncertainly.

I understand his uncertainty. In the eyes of a typical human, a vampire is very old fashioned, but in reality that really isn’t the case; there are plenty of vampires who are on the cutting edge of society. Although I personally count as old fashioned, I’ve also learned much modern knowledge in order to properly do my duties as a butler.

I laughed and said respectfully, “Yes, young master.”

“Then that’s good. Here! Congratulations on finding a job, Charles.”

Daren happily picked up the pouch of blood I had brought and then took out a cup from the cabinet. He poured the bright red liquid into a very beautiful cup with a golden rim decorated with engravings and a red jewel as big as an entire finger nail. I wondered whether it was real.

While giving it to me, he said, “The cup is yours. Consider it a congratulatory gift for finding a job!”

I accepted it, then looked at the red gem. It really is a real gem……

At this time, I saw the young master pour blood into another cup and then pick it up.

He actually used the cup to touch my own with a soft clink. “Cheers.”

My eyes widened, and I said in alarm, “That’s human blood.”

“I know.”

After he spoke, he tilted his head back and drained the cup. Then, he cocked his head as if he were thinking and said, “I only wanted to try what human blood tasted like. Ah, when it’s cold it’s not really that disgusting.”


I have a premonition that I have a very unique master.

During the night, I packed my luggage then slept briefly until ten in the morning. Then, I picked up the cell phone and called the one the young master called Kyle, the secretary-butler.

As soon as the phone was picked up, I didn’t even have time to speak before the other started ahead of me.

“You are the butler the young master found?”

“Yes, head butler Kyle. I am Charles Andres, Daren’s butler.”

From what I know, a truly large household would have many butlers who would take care of different masters. However, the one with the most power would be the master’s butler, who is also known as the head butler.

“……I am a secretary. Not a butler.” This is what he said, but he mockingly added to himself, “Although I’m also not that different from a butler.”

He asked, “I heard you are a vampire?”

“Yes,” I was a bit startled. The young master had actually told them truth; I had thought that he had hidden it from his family. No matter what, a young man living alone with a vampire butler was not a situation easy to avoid concern.

The other was silent for a long time, so long that I had been starting to think that he had left. But he finally said, “I’m sorry, just now……that is, my master was looking for me.”

“I understand.” I nodded. The master’s matters always came first. It looks like he is a very professional butler……Although he calls himself a secretary.

“You being a vampire is also good. With the young master’s troublesome personality, only a vampire could become his butler.”

Very suspiciously, I said, “The young master is very refined.”

He was quiet for a moment, then said very helplessly. “The young master definitely is refined, but being refined and being troublesome are two different matters. In the future you’ll understand……In conclusion, I’ve already arranged a group of people and resources for you especially for meeting the young master’s demands. Their phone numbers are stored inside your cell phone. Like this, do you have any questions?”

I said very carefully, “Kyle.”


“I am a vampire,” I was very suspicious. As humans, are they really this willing to accept a vampire that drinks human blood?

He said calmly, “I know. Charles Andres, father was a normal human and born in a family of butlers. Mother is a vampire, so you are a rare natural born vampire. ‘Vampire generation number’ is fifth. Was raised by father as a child, and even in adulthood was always looking for employment as a butler. Although a strong, fifth generation vampire, under the safety evaluation, the danger level is not even 10%. Personality is very warm. An oddity among vampires.”

Completely shocked, I was not sure how to respond.

Understanding, he started to explain, “Charles, you are not the only vampire in the household. You are very unique, and you are famous among vampires. It’s easily learned just by researching slightly. In actuality, I had also thought of sending the only vampire in the household to serve the young master, but he had not liked her so I had no choice. Therefore, you don’t have to worry about your identity as a vampire; only worry about taking care of the young master.”

It looks like the young master’s household was even more prominent than I had thought.

“Yes. I will do my best in my duties as a ‘butler,’” I still couldn’t help but slightly remind him that I was a butler, not a fighter.

“That’s enough,” his reply reassured me.

Then, he casually brought up some important points, “The young master’s appetite is very large, around the appetite of three to five people. Cook a bit more than is needed. He likes to eat fried foods and meat, likes to play video games, likes off-road motorcycles, likes combat, likes his older brother……Right, if you find surveillance devices inside the house, don’t be too startled. Those are because the young master’s older brother worries about him too much.”

I fell silent for a moment. I said softly, “Mr. Kyle, I serve the young master.”

The other was quiet for a moment. Then, he said with a trace of respect, “Then go ahead and tell him. Only, the young master definitely knows about the surveillance devices. Now, I have something very important to tell you so you must pay attention.”

“Yes,” I said very seriously.

He said slowly, “The young master is a very special person. Since he was young, he very rarely went out, and he had had even fewer people who were close to him. It’s only been these recent few years that he has really gone out, so he knows many facts but is lacking in much common knowledge, especially when it comes to relationships among people. When he doesn’t understand some things, you don’t need to be startled, only guide him.”

I nodded, finally understanding the reason behind the young master’s strangeness.

“Then, do you have any questions?”

“Not at this time. I am very grateful for your explanation,” I replied courteously.

“If you have any problems feel free to call me.”

“Thank you very much.”

At night, the young master came home from his classes. While helping him change into his house clothes, I told him that the house had at least thirty surveillance devices. This number had really startled me, especially because this apartment is not necessarily big. Other than the shower and bathroom, all the other rooms had them, and just the secret work room alone had eight.

He shrugged nonchalantly and said. “I know. My brother is very worried about me. It’s not only surveillance devices; a few of the apartment tenants were sent by my brother to protect me.”

The young master really did know.

I asked a bit suspiciously, “But, the night when we first met, the young master had met some trouble yet no one had come out to protect you.”

He laughed happily. “I lost them. If I don’t want them to follow, no one can keep up with me.”

Young master Daren’s tone was proud. This was the only time that I could see a bit of the attitude of a wealthy child.

Since the young master did not mind those surveillance devices, then as his butler I should not as well. I asked, “Young master, what do you want to eat for dinner?”

He thought for a moment then asked, “Hamburgers. Lots and lots of hamburgers.”

“Do you wish for Charles to make them or call for take out?”

The young master asked me very curiously, “You know how to cook?”

I smiled modestly. “Charles is a butler, young master. Although it can’t be compared to the best fine dining, but I have no problem with simple foods.”

Smiling, he said, “Then I want to eat your cooking. And I also want lots of French fries.”

It looks like the young master really likes junk food. This point was very much like a teenager.

“Would you like any beverages?”

“Milk,” the young master replied without hesitation.

This point was not like a teenager.

After that, I went to the nearby market to buy ingredients for dinner.

When I returned home, the young master was, in a very un-teenager fashion, obediently doing his report. And it was handwritten, with the letters aligned and straight as if typed by a computer. When I helped him add milk a few times, I saw the report go from one page, two pages, five pages……Until it looked like half a book.

But I didn’t see him take out any references.

“What is the young master writing?” I asked a bit curiously.

Although the butler protocol tells me that a butler should not ask the master anything unrelated to his duties, my father had also once said, “The butler protocols are dead, but the master is alive.” If the master enjoys talking, then, as a professional, the butler should learn to talk with the master.

I think, young master Daren should count as the type of master that enjoys talking.

The young master looked up and replied. “The history and future trends of combat weapons.”

This was when I realized that I actually don’t know what the young master’s major is. I hurriedly asked.

“Combat!” the young master said naturally.

I looked at the young master’s fine and slender body. It really did not look like someone used to fighting. But, no matter the major it should be split into practical and theory. Perhaps the young master was in theory!

I thought for a moment then asked, “Is it a nearby university?”


So it really was theory. Normally, true combat experts were born from a battle institute, which did not care for age or grades. Only skill and physical ability mattered, and you can enter so long as your training was good enough.

But, normal universities still need to look at grades, writing, and so forth; thus, the university combat major was mostly just for the name.

“Something smells good! Can we eat?” the young master looked at me expectantly.

“Yes. Does the young master want to eat in the parlor?”


I organized the young master’s report, then brought up dinner.

The young master took a bite of the hamburger and yelled. “Such a delicious hamburger!”

I was about to speak humbly, but then I saw the young master finish the hamburger in a startling speed, then reach out for another while swallowing over ten French fries—he chewed each fry one by one before swallowing, but I only blinked and he had already eaten ten……

It wasn’t as if the young master was not refined. Really, it was still elegant—only, at a speed “fast-forwarded” ten times.

Then, the young master finished five three-level hamburgers, an entire plate of French fries, and three cups of milk. Then, he told me to increase the portions just a bit and it would be perfect. I could only hide my surprise and grill another hamburger as well as fry another plate of fries.

This time, after the young master finished, he happily told me he was full.

This was the first time I wondered: the young master is definitely not a vampire, but perhaps he was a werewolf?

After eating dinner, the young master went to the library and sat in front of the computer. I had originally thought that he was about to begin the normal teenage recreation, but then I heard him call “brother” and start talking; I realized that he was using the computer to contact his brother and was definitely not doing any typical teenage pastime.

After asking if the young master had any needs, I started to prepare to clean the house. Fortunately, the house was not very clean or I really would have started to wonder whether I, as a butler, had any use apart from grilling hamburgers.

The young master stayed in front of the computer for an hour before walking out at around eight o’clock. He opened the secret work room then sat in front of one of the tables with a variety of different firearms, finished and half finished. If I’m not mistaken, one of them even included a bomb.

Then, he picked up a tool and started working with those half-finished pieces. If I didn’t misunderstand, what the young master was doing was called modifying guns.

Young master had once told me that his household was not mafia. I believe him. But, perhaps they were arms dealers?

While the young master was modifying his guns, I had already cleaned half of the kitchen, including wiping down each book in the five bookcases and placing each of the graying books back to their original positions. I realized that many of these books were over three hundred years old; normally they would have been stored in the antique case of a library.

The five bookcases were also each made of mahogany wood.

Then, I maintained the sofa once, then wiped and waxed the low, natural wood table. Although the sofa was still very ordinary, it was made of real sheepskin. Although the table was still plain, it was made of cypress, and the corner frames were not made of brass but of K gold.

The cushions under the table were made of the finest cashmere wool, the moon and stars on top were embroidered with gold and silver thread, and the round sphere tassels that hung from the corners were made of platinum gold.

I couldn’t help but walk to the kitchen and opened a plain drawer, taking out different types of knives. I wasn’t sure whether to be happy or to be startled. The knives were not made of silver. This was fortunate because vampires are afraid of silver, even though I could still wear gloves to care for them.

The knife blades were made of platinum gold. They didn’t even need polishing; platinum gold would not turn yellow.

Thus, when I was wiping the floor, but then realized that the floor was not made of tiles but of some unknown metal, I was already not that easily startled.

I had once said that this small house did not need a butler……I was really wrong. Every furniture here does not need a butler’s careful care.

Including the trashcan in the corner, which was made of fine ceramic.

Just when I was carefully wiping a pen made of fine golden wires inlaid with various gems, the young master walked out and said, “Good night, Charles. I’m going to sleep.”

I glanced at the clock on the wall. I couldn’t help but be started.

Sleep at ten? If this is usual, then I am going to have to rearrange my schedule for servicing the young master. I asked respectfully, “Good night. May I ask what time the young master is to wake?”

“Five o’clock.”

I was a bit stupefied. Sleep at ten, wake at five?

The young master looked at me then laughed. “Charles you don’t need to wake up with me. I’ll go out jogging at five and should be back at seven. Can you make me breakfast? Ah……Don’t you need to sleep during the day? It’s fine, I can buy it outside.”

“Young master!”

I immediately put on a serious expression and said respectfully yet firmly. “Although Charles is a vampire, but Charles will definitely fulfill the duties of a butler. If there is anything please feel free to ask without hesitation; fulfilling the needs of the master is part of what it means to be a butler.”

The young master looked at me and said with a smile. “Alright, when I come back from my jog I want to take a bath. Please prepare my breakfast for me by seven twenty.”

“Yes,” I respectfully accepted the requests, then continued to ask. “Should I prepare your clothes?”

He nodded confidently, “Alright.”

The young master returned to his room to sleep. Carefully keeping silent, I finished cleaning the house, widening my eyes in shock time and time again when I realized what I was wiping could have been about the same price as a race car, or when I considered what era the antique I was holding was from……

Like this I cleaned until morning. After five o’clock, the young master finished rinsing his face and appeared wearing his exercise clothes.

Smiling, I asked, “Good morning, young master. Is there anything that you especially want to eat today?”

He thought for a moment then shook his head. “No. Charles you can help me choose.”

I asked more specifically, “Is there anything you particularly don’t want to eat?”

The young master shrugged. “I eat anything.”

I nodded. A human who can even drink human blood definitely could eat anything.

The young master went out to jog, and I started to prepare the ingredients for breakfast. As part of the protocol of a butler, it was best to prepare many different types of cuisine for the first breakfast; that way, the master could try them out and decide which one he preferred.

After preparing the ingredients, only the warm foods were left. I could only wait until the young master returned before cooking so that the food will still be hot.

I started to prepare the young master’s bath and his clothing. But, when I opened the young master’s closet, I was again stupefied.

Two pajamas, one exercise clothing, three shirts and jeans, one jacket, one suit with a pair of leather shoes underneath, and add in the exercise shoes and clothing the young master had just worn…This was all the clothing that he had?

With no choice, I could only take a shirt and jeans and then continue to wait for the young master’s return.

The young master really was completely punctual. At exactly seven, he returned home and started his bath. At exactly seven twenty, he stepped out of the bathroom and sat at the kitchen table, and I hurriedly sent on five different types of breakfast.

Then, I serviced the young master while he ate……Actually, I only dazedly stood at the side and watched as he completely finished all five types of breakfast. The portion had been enough for twelve people.

The young master held his stomach and put on a distressed face. “So full……Charles, this was a bit too much.”

At a loss, I explained in a panic, “I—I only wanted you to try some of each so you can see which type you like best, so I would know what type of breakfast to make. I didn’t necessarily mean for you to finish all of it……”

“Oh,” the young master thought for a moment then smiled. “Then I want all types, but half the portion is enough.”

“Yes,” I sighed in relief. Fortunately, the young master’s appetite was not as terrifying as I had thought……Although, a breakfast enough for six people is already terrifying enough.

The young master left punctually at eight o’clock for classes. I sent him off then turned and began to clean the kitchen before I returned to my room and laid in my metal coffin. Of course, the cell phone the young master had given me also went inside, just in case the young master would be looking for me.

I slept until four in the afternoon before waking up and going out to buy groceries; I returned at exactly five o’clock, and young master returned home at exactly five thirty. Dinner started six o’clock.

After that, the young master repeated what he had done the night before.

The days afterwards, everyday was as if it were a repeat of the first. The young master’s lifestyle was startlingly regular. The only exception was one night, when the young master wanted to go out for a midnight snack. He particularly liked fried chicken and roasted meat for a midnight snack and brought me along. Of course, I did not eat roasted meat, only drank blood from a canister.

The night we had gone out for a midnight snack, our pair of master and servant attracted many eyes. First was my western vest and tie that attracted attention. Then, all of the customers watched dumbfounded as the young master’s mountain of empty bowls continued to grow.

I couldn’t help but suggest, “Why doesn’t the young master go eat at a buffet? It would definitely be very worth it.”

As soon as I finished, I immediately regretted it; this sounded as if I were criticizing the young master’s appetite and was definitely not something a butler should say to his master—even if I had no intention of criticizing him, only felt that it was the truth.

“Heheh,” the young master raised his head. Laughing, he said, “Charles, even if you’re a vampire, you still can’t be so cruel! The store owner will cry.”

Hearing this, I had to carefully contain the rising corner of my mouths to avoid too big of a smile. I apologized, “I am truly sorry young master. Charles should not have spoken so.”

The young master put down his roasted meat. He looked at me worriedly, “After Charles became my butler, you’ve been so polite. I’m so not used to it! Can’t we talk like we did on the first night? Just like friends.”

I looked at young master Daren, the latter had an expression of loss, but I was still a bit uncertain if I could believe that he was being truthful. Many masters tell their servants that they want to be friends, but it wasn’t necessarily believable.

Sometimes, it was only a test to see whether the servant would overstep his boundaries. At other times, the master really did want to be friends, only he had not thought that his servant would be so despicable.

I gave him a small smile. “Of course.”

The young master’s eyes shone. He said excitedly, “That’s great! Then you don’t need to call me young master, just Dari is fine……”

“No!” the word immediately slipped out.

The young master was startled, and he looked at me with wide eyes.

I silently chastised myself. A butler should always maintain his elegance, and he should not speak when unbidden. And he definitely should not startle his master.

Then, I said honestly, “Young master, we can be friends, but the address is something that cannot be changed. The address is like the contract between a master and butler, reminding both of their positions and what is appropriate for each.”

Both my father and the butler protocols agree: No matter how good of a relationship, master and servant was still master and servant, and a butler definitely should not overstep his boundaries.

The young master laughed. “You’re really interesting, Charles. Alright! Can’t change is can’t change.”

Why does the young master always say I am interesting?

That night, the young master ate five thousand dollars. In a roast meat restaurant where a plate of beef is only one hundred dollars.

Perhaps I really did underestimate the young master’s appetite.

Returning to the present, I shifted my attention from the young master’s appetite and back to what I was doing at the moment.

It was already almost time for the young master to return home, and I was preparing dinner. The pot was boiling a thick soup, and I was currently cutting the lettuce for a salad. The scent of baking bread wafted from the oven, and tonight’s main course, five pieces of steak as big as a hand each, was already placed on the plate. When the young master came back and was starting on the salad and bread, I would then grill the steak so that they could still be hot……


I was shocked. This was the young master’s voice, but the young master had never used such a panicked tone.

I immediately put down the kitchen knife. I walked to the parlor and still had not time to speak when the young master saw me. He immediately yelled, “Charles, Charles! What should I do? What should I do!”

I hurriedly comforted, “Young master. Young master, please calm down. Don’t panic. No matter how serious of a matter, there will always be a solution. Come. Take a deep breath.”

The young master obediently inhaled then exhaled three times in a row. It was only when I saw that he had calmed down somewhat that I asked slowly and calmly, “Young master, what happened? Why are you so anxious?”

Hearing this, some of the young master’s hard-earned calm was lost. He stammered, “Charles, cla—classmates invited me to ka—ka—…….karaoke!”

If I weren’t paying attention to the meaning of the words, only the tone, then perhaps I might have thought that the young master’s classmates had invited him to destroy the world.

I was stunned, and asked in reply, “You do not want to go?”

“I want to……” the young master said a bit uncertainly before going on anxiously, “But I’ve never sung before! It’ll definitely be very embarrassing. I probably shouldn’t go.”

I warmly comforted, “It does not matter whether you sing well or not, your classmates only wants you to go out to have fun, not for a singing competition.”

“It’s not the singing that’s the problem,” the young master furrowed his brows. Troubled, he said, “I—I don’t know what to do. They talk so happily about which songs they have to pick, which songs have a good MV, which singers had made an exclusive album……I completely don’t understand. Completely!”

The young master looked at me with a very heartbreaking expression, as if trying to find a trace of understanding from my face. But, I was not quite sure how to respond. I really did not know what the young master was worried about. Everything he had just said earlier is what normal people would say; what was there to not understand?

At the end, he only dejectedly gave an example to explain. “When my classmates asked me which songs I liked, I said Beethoven’s Fifth Symphony, but, my classmates all thought I was weird.”

I understand.

“When did your classmates ask you out?”

The young master said even more nervously, “This weekend!”

I nodded, then respectfully offered, “If the young master is free tonight, would you like to go sing with Charles?”

The young master looked at me as if I had just saved him. He said gratefully, “Charles, you’re so nice……But, I seem to smell something burning.”



  1. thanks for the update! lookin' forward to the next chap:)

  2. Thank you!!! (x infinity). I missed Daren (dar) so so so much! He's got a butler now! Im seeing batman! Heehee. I love your translations. The grammar is impeccable (to my eyes anyway). The style, your choice of words I love it! The effort you put! Thank you for volunteering to translate such a work of art! Do you have a particular schedule of release? or will I lovingly stalk this website? hahah XD.

  3. Your welcome! :) Haha thanks Eufie. Yeah, I know right? Daren's just so loveable! <3

    And as for a schedule, I'll be aiming for one every two days from now on, but I may occasionally get one in early if I have the time. :p I'm also thinking of picking up another project, maybe finishing up Eclipse Hunter. Though I know Odd Squad's doing it so I'm not so

  4. you should pick it up. I mean they started their hiatus since august. And so far there has been no news of any outgoing chapters. The part where they left of was a SUPER cliff hanger. I mean I was practically screaming to the computer "Ezart YOU MISUNDERSTOOOOOOD!!" Every time I read it again (cuz I read it like a lot since its my favorite) I die a little more... You've gotta pick it up! I mean there's no harm in doing it right? The only result would be there's an alternate translation of the same story. Its not like you're stealing OSquad translations right? So there's no crime. Really I would love for you to pick it up! XD

  5. Yeah, after I read Eclipse Hunter on their site, I was like, "O_O NOOOOO [/headbang x 1000]" And then promptly went searching for the book to read in chinese. :'D

    I wasn't sure how long of a hiatus they were on, so I figured I would wait for them to release...And while impatiently waiting, I ended up catching up on the sequel, yet they still haven't

  6. I had once said that this small house did not need a butler……I was really wrong. Every furniture here does not need a butler’s careful care.

    Do you mean "Every furniture here needs a butler's careful care"? Cuz it makes sense that way